A Holy Warrior

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Andreas Øverland/flickr.com

 

Faustina. I reach out for her “Diary” almost every day and almost always I find in it what my soul needs – Merciful Love of my Lord. Yet, I don’t find there only consolation, but also guidance.

To me St. Faustina is not a “nice saint,” who with a smile on her face will pat me on the shoulder saying: “don’t worry! Jesus is Merciful.  Everything will somehow fall into place.”

 To me she is a warrior who fought not only with contradictions all around, but also with what is most difficult – with her own self, with weakness, illness, fear, with her inabilities and a feeling of “I’m not made for this.”

 To me she is a teacher of walking along God’s paths while fulfilling His Will. She shows me personally, very directly without sentimentality, truth about myself. It is a truth that she herself discovered, on account of grace, in her own interior – I am all poverty as such. But Faustina also tells me, that in the face of His Mercy it does not matter – “Your poverty does not stand in the way of Him loving you.”

 When we have lived through that first lesson (possibly the most difficult one but how greatly needed to go on), which shows two essential truths: truth about myself and truth about Jesus, a time of intense development once began continues and will continue until death – it sounds funny perhaps, but her life, difficulties, joys and attitudes recorded in the “Diary” are for me indications of how to discern, live, and act.

When Jesus told her that she should go to Warsaw and that she will enter a convent there, she simply went, dropping everything against what her parents told her and without regards for the “mountains” that will have to be overcome in order for her to join the Community. Through this story, Faustina teaches me – be brave and patient.

When her confessor sent her for a psychiatric evaluation while in the convent she had to do hard jobs and when she is moved around from house to house, she teaches me – be humble, obedient, and faithful.

When she makes more daily, monthly, and New Year resolutions, and does not waste even 1 minute, she teaches me – be diligent, devoted, persevering.

When she feeds the poor, intercedes for sinners, and is good to those who harm her, she teaches me – be merciful.

When once again, I read how Jesus tells her: “do not be afraid, I am with you,” she teaches me: you are not perfect, and neither was I – I know you are afraid, but – as Jesus says – do not be afraid!  TRUST, and he will take care of the rest.

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